[Note: This is one of the most-read posts on my blog. After four years, I decided it was time to offer an updated perspective on this topic. You can read it here: “What It Takes to Embody Your Feminine Energy.”]
Our whole Universe is made of polarities: right and left, light and dark, up and down. By definition, polarities come in pairs, and you can’t know one without also knowing its counterpart.
Meaning, you can’t know what light is until you also experience dark. Or where up is until you can compare it to down.
Perhaps one of the most significant polarities is masculine vs. feminine. Part of its significance is in how out-of-balance it has been, at least on our planet, for quite a long time. The patriarchy that has ruled western culture is the result of skewing toward masculine energy. And the important thing to note is that balance exists because the people making up the culture are skewed toward the masculine within themselves.
So it goes to say that if we want to encourage a shift toward the feminine in our culture – not only respect for women but respect for feminine traits – then we need to be elevating the feminine energy within ourselves.
(Note that while gender identity is broadly related to this topic, what I’m talking about is how any person expresses universal energies, regardless of physical sex or gender identity. We all express both masculine and feminine to some degree.)
This exploration has been part of my personal path for a while now – in fact, I like to think for my whole life. I spent my first 30-something years in a masculine-dominant state, focused on intellect and structure as influenced by environment in school and then IT programming. But then as I ventured deeper into the world of energy healing, I naturally started to nurture my own feminine traits, especially intuition and allowing. And every message I’ve gotten from Spirit in this regard has instructed me to seek perfect balance between the two.
In order to balance our masculine and feminine aspects, we need to know at least two things: 1) what is “masculine energy” vs. “feminine energy”, and 2) how can we tell which way we’re inclined?
The easiest way to answer these questions is to give some examples of masculine-feminine trait pairs. Because again, the best way to define one end of a polarity is to compare it to its counterpart.
Here are some masculine-feminine trait pairs:
|Masculine trait||Feminine trait|
|Odd numbers||Even numbers|
|Straight edges||Round curves|
|Acidic pH||Alkaline pH|
Can you already start to see where you are out-of-balance, suppressing one side over the other? And are you consistent or do you vary in which side you suppress or amplify?
(And did you notice, by the way, how these have nothing to do with being a man or a woman?)
Let’s take a closer look at some common scenarios that might be signs that you’re suppressing your feminine energy:
1) You’re closed off to receiving.
We’ve had some great discussions about this in the first two gatherings of The Empowered Feminine. (More about that below.) In general we associate giving with generosity and having an open heart, which seems like it might be a more feminine thing, right?
But in terms of masculine-feminine polarity, giving is the masculine side. This truth become clearer at its amplified, dysfunctional extreme: Over-giving is a controlling (thus, masculine) behavior, where someone gives and gives in order to buy loyalty or create obligation. This may be consciously manipulative, but more often its a subconsciously-triggered behavior that the person doesn’t know she’s exhibiting until someone points it out.
Allowing oneself to receive, on the other hand, is allowing oneself to be nurtured. Is there anything more feminine than letting yourself be taken care of? And yet doing so requires willingness to relinquish control (that is, your masculine energy).
Perhaps this is why self-care is so important: because you are in one moment giving to yourself and receiving from yourself – the perfect balance of masculine and feminine.
[EDIT: Since writing this article in 2016, I have created a small but powerful healing program called Open to Receiving to address this very common block.]
2) You are controlling
Consider these clichés:
“Happy wife, happy life.”
“Ain’t no one happy till Mama’s happy.”
Sure, they’re funny, but look at what they’re really saying: This domineering woman (wife or mother) is going to make your life unpleasant (or worse) until she gets exactly what she wants. That’s not feminine energy – that is controlling, rigid, unyielding masculine energy.
And while these examples focus on the woman’s force exerted on other people, this dynamic also applies to how she treats her self and what expectations she sets upon the Universe. Being rigid about how things should be done is a masculine trait.
Its feminine counterpart, allowing, helps you to be flexible and flowing. I think we resist letting go because we fear going too far with it and becoming completely passive. That’s not right either: You came into this life to have desires and see them be fulfilled. The perfect balance, then, is to insist upon what you want (masculine) but be open about how it is delivered (feminine).
3) Blocked intuition
As indicated in the table above, intuition is a feminine trait; its masculine counterpart is intellect. When they’re in balance, you can perceive energy or receive guidance and use your intellect to interpret what you’ve perceived intuitively.
But when you’re masculine-dominant in this area, your intellect will override your intuition. You may be prone to talking yourself out of what you perceive/receive because it isn’t “real” or “proven” (whatever that means). Trust is the key word here. There’s a vulnerability inherent in surrendering to an idea that hasn’t been validated by the facts and figures known to your intellect. Being afraid of vulnerability in any situation is an over-arching sign that you’re suppressing your feminine energy.
The main key to shifting the balance within yourself is awareness. Pay attention to your thoughts, words, and actions, and identify when it’s possible to stop, take a breath, and let go a little.
What have you learned about your own masculine-feminine balance? In what area of your life would you like to bring these traits into balance, and what do you think is the best way to do it? Leave a comment below and share with the rest of us.
Love this article. I agree so much with the information.
Our society needs to have woman energy recognized and valued.
I really enjoyed the article and I’m interested in ways to become more in tune with the feminine side. It would be a great workshop…Maybe it exists?
That’s a great question. Right now my way of supporting people with transforming their feminine energy is through spiritual mentorship, where we dive deep into the core issues that block your lower chakras. (I’ve done a workshop series before, but the changes that can happen in a group aren’t nearly as powerful or fast and working privately.)
If you think this might be why Spirit brought us together this week, you can read about mentorship at http://www.zenquility.com/spiritual-mentorship/ or contact me privately at email@example.com.
Hi. Thank you for this information. Enjoyed it. I was wandering if if you could clarify something. l believe I have quite extremes in feminine and masculine energies. For example very nurturing, flow, creative and intuitive but very competitive, controlling and analytic. This can become quite conflicting at times and I find I can fall out of balance when it’s so conflicting. How do you feel balance with such extreme energies flowing through your body?
That is a GREAT question. Let me sit with it a bit and get a clear answer for you. But in the meantime I wanted you to be sure that I’ve seen. I’ll write more soon!
In Loving Service,
Hello! This article was so enlightening. I very much enjoyed it. In response the comment above, I too have these extreme polarities in energy and struggle with balance. It seems to be overly feminine or overly masculine. I’m either very laid back and happy or analytical and controlling. I would be very interested in getting some advice on this topic as well.
Wow! My promise to write more “soon” didn’t work out that way. Then again, by waiting this long, I definitely have new insights to share.
It is likely that flip-flopping between the extremes (if I may use that phrasing) is acting out a dysfunctional pattern that was created in early childhood. During ages 0-7, you learned how to be human by mimicking your parents – starting with their energy patterns. That means wherever they are blocked, you created the same blocks for yourself, not only so that you would fit in as a human, but also so that your parents would love and take care of you.
Now, as an adult, when you go to one extreme, you have probably been triggered by someone or something that reminds you (unconsciously) of the parent who often lived at that extreme. When you go to the other extreme, you were reminded of the other parent.
What you’re really acting out is your parent’s Core Wound, which has become your Core Wound. It was the very FIRST energy block you experienced – a block you NEEDED to create in order to fit into 3D consciousness. That block affected either your Crown or Root chakra, effectively cutting you off from either Divine Masculine (Crown) or Divine Feminine (Root) so that now you overcompensate for not having the natural flow of that energy.
Which Core Wound you ended up with depends on which parent you first mimicked (usually the same sex parent, but not always). At this point people are usually curious which Core Wound they have, so I created an online quiz that will tell you based on patterns you express: http://www.zenquility.com/core-wound-quiz.
In Loving Service,
Thank you so much .. hope to be part of the monthly group .. might help me balance up more through the community
So true! I had suppressed m’y féminine energy forme son long due to sexual abuse as a child! Took 40 years to understand this complexity! It took an awakened mind set, a spiritual undertaken and a lot of self healing to move past this conditionning and letting go of old non -serving beliefs to accomplish this life lesson!
Thank you for this precious post 🙏
I knew something was off in me. I felt frozen, stuck. And then I had a reading and the reader made it clear that I was out of balance and I could absolutely see and agree. It was how I learned to protect myself and to cope. Now I am working on bringing her back. Thank you for this info and the list it’s great!
Hi Kathi! I’m so glad this resonated with you. Sounds like it gave you some next steps in your journey.
The masculine force must be acknowledged you cant have one without the other . When a man is in his femenine for too long his mental health suffers and his life becomes sour
I completely agree that masculine energy is equally important – for men and women. Masculine/ feminine balance is my favorite topic and there is so much more to say about either energy than can fit in one blog post.
I have always been the one giving and I feel like I can't stop and receive most of the time because there is no one who will be there for me. Fortunately, my current boyfriend is more inclined to help take care of me and allow me to be a bit more nurturing to my feminine side. My last relationship was abusive and put me in a position where I was the breadwinner and it was cruel in a way. My current boyfriend can be contradictive, wanting me to be as logical as a man, but as intuitive as a woman so it can still be pretty confusing and painful. I pray that I can learn how to heal my femininity, with wounds which go much deeper than described here.