I am writing this for people of all gender identities, not just cis women.
In the past several years there’s been a rise in people seeking to embrace their feminine side. This is good, because it’s needed for us to grow, individually and as a society.
Every individual holds masculine and feminine energies within them. Some of those energies are earthly (ego-based), while others come from the higher, sacred realms.
Toxic masculinity (overly aggressive) and toxic femininity (overly passive) happens when a person tries to compensate for the lack of sacred energy by amplifying human (ego) energy, which simply doesn’t work.
To heal this toxicity, that person needs to embody the Sacred Masculine and the Sacred Feminine energies that come from their Higher Self.
As someone who has been consciously walking my spiritual path for a couple decades now, I have watched the rise of the feminine with delight.
I have celebrated the growing number of goddess circles and been part of a few.
I have cheered with my friends and clients as people have sought out more ways to access and honor their emotions.
But as someone who has experienced that inner journey myself, I’ve identified a vital piece that’s missing from these feminine-focused movements: the corresponding focus on the masculine.
If you’ve ever gone through an “awakening the inner goddess” type of program (I realize I’m speaking more to women with this one) that was fun but didn’t create the changes you’d hoped for, this missing piece is why.
You see, you can’t heal one without healing the other. Masculine and feminine are designed to work together, and every situation is an interaction between masculine and feminine:
- Masculine traits include giving, intellect, and structure / rigidity.
- Feminine traits include receiving, intuition, and fluidity / flexibility.
- All of these traits are healthy in balance but toxic in extremes that fail to make room for their counterparts.
If you learn to embody more feminine energy but you’re not already strong in your masculine, then you might get better at receiving, but you’ll still seek someone else to give to you and protect you instead of knowing how to give to and protect yourself.
If you are already strong in your masculine when you start to work with your feminine, you’ll experience them as two disconnected halves instead of an integrated whole, and get stuck in the extremes most of the time. (Think of a confident man finally accessing his emotions and crumbling as they all come pouring out.)
I’ve witnessed this conflict especially in the strong women I know. In their strength, they’ve always felt empowered to take action (a masculine trait) – but since action is what they depend on, they burn out. Now they struggle to find the balance between learning to let themselves receive from the Universe while still taking the right level of action. I’ve seen many capable women get trapped into passivity trying to figure this out.
So then, what does it take for a person to naturally embody both their feminine and masculine aspects? There are countless techniques and communities that will progress you in the right direction, but they are incomplete unless they help you fulfill this requirement:
You need to heal your Core Wound.
“What’s a Core Wound?” you might be asking.
The Core Wound is the very first chakra block / limiting belief / negative emotional pattern that every human experienced while they were still in the womb.
Every block in your energy, every limiting belief can be traced to this one. This wound is why you keep getting dragged back down into fear and ego instead of living merged with your Higher Self.
There are only two possible Core Wounds:
- Men and those assigned male at birth have a wound at the Crown Chakra which cuts them off from their Sacred Masculine, creating a feeling of Unworthiness.
- Women and those assigned female at birth have a wound at the Root Chakra that cuts them off from their Sacred Feminine, making them feel Unlovable and Unsafe.
(That’s a very quick explanation. If it leaves you wanting to know more about how your Core Wound got there, I invite you to check out my video course, “Getting to Know Your Core Wound.”)
To fully embody your feminine and masculine, you need to heal this Core Wound and all blocks to your Sacred Masculine and Feminine energies.
Along with your Core Wound, you’ll need to release a cluster of other significant limiting beliefs and patterns that the Core Wound caused.
For example, even though only one wound is truly the Core Wound, most people express attributes of the other one as well, ranging from subtle to so strong that it seems the other Core Wound is their true one. I know many women, for example, who talk mostly about feeling Unworthy even though I can see their Unlovable patterns too.
Then there are issues like Abandonment/Rejection, Distrust and The Need To Be Right (all results of feeling Unlovable and/or Unworthy) that are also rooted in these deepest levels of your mind and energy.
Given enough time and a strong enough intention, life will provide opportunities for you to heal these wounds. If you want to do it faster and without having to fight against the very patterns you’re trying to heal, there are healers like me who have programs that do this.
Healing these core patterns restores your connection to the Sacred Masculine and Sacred Feminine, which are the energies of your Higher Self and the whole Universe. You become whole within yourself – ending the subconscious need to be completed by another person and being guided instead by the Sacred to fulfill all your needs.