One of the issues that my clients struggle with is support. In Integrated Energy Therapy, lack of support as risk, threat, abandonment, and neglect. It’s held in the back of the neck, so people with support issues often experience sore or stiff necks.
Feeling lack of support can apply to partners, families, governments, or the world in general. Through the filters of our subconscious we see people behaving in ways that appear to threaten what’s important to us – or on the other side of the coin, failing to behave in a way that we would find supportive.
At its core, lack of support often goes back to the ego’s belief in separation from the outer world and from Source. Without that belief in Oneness, the ego causes us to require the outer world to demonstrate its support, rather than having implicit trust in it.
While I was contemplating all this, my cat Fritz came to sit next to me. As I scratched behind his ears, I contemplated how he never has issues with support. Instead, he makes his needs explicitly known or takes care of them himself. There’s a lot that we can learn from that.
For example, there are the ways that he deals with risk and threat. When a vacuum threatens his safety, he hisses at it. He doesn’t question whether he needs to be nice to this thing that’s encroaching rudely on his territory in a harsh way; he asserts his boundaries and tells the vacuum its behavior is not welcome here.
But when a stranger comes into his home – an invader that’s new and obviously bigger than him – he doesn’t stick around to hiss or assess the situation. He gets the heck out of there and goes to hide under the bed. When he can’t get the mean beast to respect his boundaries, he removes himself from the situation.
And then there are the ways that he supports his own basic needs. When his food bowl is empty, he doesn’t sit around hoping that someone will intuit his needs. He sits in front of it to get our attention; when that doesn’t work, he starts yelling; the tone, volume, and frequency increase until that bowl gets filled. He naps, bathes, and craps whenever he needs or wants to, without regard for whether it’s OK for others. He even helps himself to my lap when it suits him.
All in all, Fritz is simply following his programming. We have the same programming to protect and take care of ourselves, but we’ve overridden it with an undue emphasis on the outer world, because we’re still waiting for the outer world to prove its loyalty.
What if we learned from our cats and got better at supporting ourselves so that we didn’t need as much support from the outer world? Our relationships would certainly get easier if we weren’t expecting as much from others.
How could we support ourselves better by reaching out for love, affection, comfort, or caring instead of waiting for it to be granted to us?
How often to we fail to support ourselves by welcoming the presence of toxic people, tenuous personal boundaries, or unhealthy obligations?
How much of this is rooted in deep beliefs that we will never be supported – that support is impossible or that we are unworthy?
What I do know is that it’s possible through our healing process to shift our gaze and begin to see all the support that life offers.
…to notice the ways that our loved ones offer support, even if it’s not how we expected or would have preferred.
…to experience synchronicities that demonstrate how the world around us is conspiring in our favor.
And to grow to be like Fritz, who lives each day with the foregone conclusion that he is 100% supported.
Well, okay…you about covered my issues here, Chris! LOL! Thank you for putting this together in words we cat and animal lovers can understand.
When I think of how I match up to Fritz, I can see I’m very good at saying what I obviously need. But I’m not always so good at figuring out my not-so-obvious needs.
I’m also not so good at verbally hissing on the spot. Fritz is a lot smarter than I am. He can think on his feet. I often can’t figure things out until it’s too late, or I have a hard time putting things into words, so I think I’m telling someone something is wrong but they aren’t getting it or they are ignoring it, which is disappointing to me because I always think people know way more than I do and that they know what I have had to deal with in the past and can take that into account. Then when they get it wrong or turn it around like it’s my fault, I get extremely angry and distrustful. I can also get self destructive.
Here’s my most recent experience. I’m working in a place where the job is good but the vibes are really off sometimes. Then there’s a problem with a particular person, so I write an email about it, asking for advice. Okay, good. I get advice. But then there’s another problem, so I again ask for advice and take it, but it must not be working because things aren’t getting any better and I start physically and mentally getting sick over it. In the meantime, the vibes are getting worse and worse and weird things are going on that I can’t understand. By the time I reach the third email, all the bad vibes going around the place and the situation make me fall apart and quit.
But here’s the real kicker–the people who hired me know my background and have enough experience to make this all stop happening. To boot, the place I worked in was so interconnected with other places and people in my life and past that I start to get extremely upset at everyone because I don’t even know who the players are, where the vibes are coming from or why the people causing the bad vibes are doing so. So I go to my “just don’t trust anyone” last resort. That doesn’t mean I won’t talk to anyone, but it does mean I might act like our female cat–rub me the wrong way, and I might scratch the hell out of you, then run.
The difference is, your scratches will heal fairly quickly. Some of us aren’t that lucky.
Thanks for sharing yourself with us here. You have a beautiful sense of self-awareness.
You wrote about your experience at work. I can feel how uncomfortable that situation is for you. Here’s a funny thing about vibes: It’s sometimes hard to tell the different between other people’s vibes that you’re sensing and the vibes that you’re projecting out there – especially for an empath who’s very triggered by the situation. Are you willing to make room for the possibility that you’re perceiving a degree of bad vibes that isn’t actually that intense for anyone other than yourself?
In the Highest Love and Light,