One of the issues that my clients struggle with is support. In Integrated Energy Therapy, lack of support as risk, threat, abandonment, and neglect. It’s held in the back of the neck, so people with support issues often experience sore or stiff necks.
Feeling lack of support can apply to partners, families, governments, or the world in general. Through the filters of our subconscious we see people behaving in ways that appear to threaten what’s important to us – or on the other side of the coin, failing to behave in a way that we would find supportive.
At its core, lack of support often goes back to the ego’s belief in separation from the outer world and from Source. Without that belief in Oneness, the ego causes us to require the outer world to demonstrate its support, rather than having implicit trust in it.
While I was contemplating all this, my cat Fritz came to sit next to me. As I scratched behind his ears, I contemplated how he never has issues with support. Instead, he makes his needs explicitly known or takes care of them himself. There’s a lot that we can learn from that.
For example, there are the ways that he deals with risk and threat. When a vacuum threatens his safety, he hisses at it. He doesn’t question whether he needs to be nice to this thing that’s encroaching rudely on his territory in a harsh way; he asserts his boundaries and tells the vacuum its behavior is not welcome here.
But when a stranger comes into his home – an invader that’s new and obviously bigger than him – he doesn’t stick around to hiss or assess the situation. He gets the heck out of there and goes to hide under the bed. When he can’t get the mean beast to respect his boundaries, he removes himself from the situation.
And then there are the ways that he supports his own basic needs. When his food bowl is empty, he doesn’t sit around hoping that someone will intuit his needs. He sits in front of it to get our attention; when that doesn’t work, he starts yelling; the tone, volume, and frequency increase until that bowl gets filled. He naps, bathes, and craps whenever he needs or wants to, without regard for whether it’s OK for others. He even helps himself to my lap when it suits him.
All in all, Fritz is simply following his programming. We have the same programming to protect and take care of ourselves, but we’ve overridden it with an undue emphasis on the outer world, because we’re still waiting for the outer world to prove its loyalty.
What if we learned from our cats and got better at supporting ourselves so that we didn’t need as much support from the outer world? Our relationships would certainly get easier if we weren’t expecting as much from others.
How could we support ourselves better by reaching out for love, affection, comfort, or caring instead of waiting for it to be granted to us?
How often to we fail to support ourselves by welcoming the presence of toxic people, tenuous personal boundaries, or unhealthy obligations?
How much of this is rooted in deep beliefs that we will never be supported – that support is impossible or that we are unworthy?
What I do know is that it’s possible through our healing process to shift our gaze and begin to see all the support that life offers.
…to notice the ways that our loved ones offer support, even if it’s not how we expected or would have preferred.
…to experience synchronicities that demonstrate how the world around us is conspiring in our favor.
And to grow to be like Fritz, who lives each day with the foregone conclusion that he is 100% supported.